Channeling emotions...

I have been called emotional. And it wasn't meant as a compliment. I'm sure at the time the insult took hold and I probably expressed some not so nice emotions in reaction. But now looking back all I can think is... Wow, I'll bet being emotional makes me a better writer...

The day I first started thinking about writing a book I was very upset (to say the least) and needed an outlet for all my pain and anger before I ended up doing some prison-worthy behavior. It worked well. I kept my freedom and my characters were born. Don't get me wrong. My characters are not me. So far I don't think I have a single one that is me in essence and trust me that is almost certainly a good thing. However each new character has some part of me inside them and not always the pretty parts.

So now when my emotions are running hot I grab the laptop and type it all in. And yes, like many writers I have allowed my enemies to suffer through my words. It's fun and a lot like exorcising demons. Or rather like letting my demons out to play.

The other day someone was mean to my mom and after dealing with the real world, I settled in and let Sgrios kill him. Yep, that's right. Sgrios is one of my favorites for just that reason. If I want someone torn limb from limb, he's happy to do the job. Now if I want someone to really suffer... then I send Dion. And the other side of emotions gets spread around.

Yesterday I lost one of my dogs very suddenly, and today I am dealing with the grief over not being ready to say good bye. I've been involved in dog breeding for over 20 years and though I haven't had any litters in ages, the adults are still part of my family. They will be here with me until either the perfect home comes along or they pass away. Each one is special and the hardest part of having many pets is their passing comes more often. And it is one thing that happening more often does not make it easier. In the past five years, I lost 4 dogs to old age. As hard as that was, at least it was expected. I had time to say goodbye.

Today I see my little Tori's golden gaze everywhere I look. I hear her funny howl that says she wants my attention. I feel her thick coat brush against my leg. Damn. I miss her smiling face so much that it's a physical pain.

Sgrios is offering to kill people for me but I somehow don't think that will help. Dion is offer to slay some dragons and again, I don't think it will help. Maybe today, I'll spend some time with Dan. He has some seriously sad shit to work through. Maybe we can do it together.

Shannon
writing to "I stand alone" by Godsmack.